These past two months have been a time of complete transformation in my life and the changes are still unfolding. It actually started at the beginning of the year when I set my yearly intention. This year my intention was to find freedom and “make it happen.” I had some ideas about what I thought that might look like and I used freedom as my guide. Whenever I would get a sense as to which activity to start or what project to work on I would ask myself, “Does this feel like freedom?” and only those things that passed that test got my energy and attention.

When I originally signed up, I thought a triathlon would feel like freedom. Crazy, right? Let me explain. I was never an athlete. Never. As a kid I always preferred chips, soda, and TV to sweat, bruises and exercise. Since my days of 6 hour TV marathons and bags of chips I have completely transformed my lifestyle and eating habits. I lost over 60 lbs, got rid of all TV’s in the house (except one which is seldom on) and now I only eat food that nourishes my body and spirit. Speaking of which, I also just celebrated one year vegan this month too! Anyway, I freed myself from those old habits, yet one thing remained. I was still shackled to the belief that I was not an athlete. I knew that if I completed this triathlon that I would never again be able to say to myself, “I am not an athlete.” I would be free.

Even after months of training, I was scared. What if I couldn’t do it? It was something I had never done before. What if I failed or drowned or crashed? I knew mentally that I had prepared but that old belief and the fear of the unknown kept me on a see-saw of excitement and fear. Even as I stood on the bank of the lake ready to enter the swim, I was afraid, and then a girl turned to me and said, “How cool is it that you get to do something today that you have never done before? How many times in life do we get to say that, right?” She was right, failure or success I was there ready to try something new. So, on June 27 in 100 degree heat and humidity, after months of training, Tim and I completed our first triathlon together. As I crossed that finish line I rose up my hands and yelled “freedom!” and it felt awesome. I am now a triathlete, that’s right I said it, and my next race is in 18 days!

Five days after the triathlon I declared my freedom again. After five years of working a full-time job in addition to all that you read about here, I retired. It turns out that it no longer passed my “freedom” test. Going to work every day on something that did not feel like my heart’s passion did not feel like freedom. Don’t get me wrong, I liked my job just fine but I didn’t feel about it the same way I feel about being a minister, healer, and spiritual teacher. When I am doing any activity that divinely transforms someone I feel completely and utterly free. I feel so much joy doing those activities; yet for some reason I kept telling myself, “You need a steady paycheck, a 401k, and health insurance.” That did not feel like freedom, that felt like what I was “supposed to do.”

In my work as a spiritual teacher I teach people how to let go of what they think they are “supposed to do” and fully live the lives that bring them joy and freedom. Someone wasn’t following her own advice and that is just not okay. So on July 5, I left my ‘job’ to pursue Divine Transformation full-time. Hellooooo freedom! But, it was not without those same emotions as the triathlon, excitement and fear. I have actually now come to find that “excitement and fear” are great litmus tests for checking to see if your decisions are in line with your heart. If you have are making a big life transformation check to see if both are there. If you feel excitement and fear, look out, you are one step from freedom. Once your are that close you just have to muster the courage to take the leap and hope for the best!

How do you know what’s best? The answer is: you simply have to trust that whatever happens is exactly what is meant to happen and therefore its what’s best. There is an old Taoist parable that I have always used to teach this concept:

There is a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and the farmer’s neighbors came by to sympathize with him. “This is just awful luck. How will you do all of your work without your horse?” and the farmer replied, “Bad? Good? Who knows?”

A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. “Not only did you get your horse back, but now you have so many more, what good fortune that is!” the neighbors said. The farmer replied, “Good? Bad ? Who knows?”

Then, when the farmer’s son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Everyone except the farmer, whose only reaction was, “Bad? Good ? Who knows?”

Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer’s son with his broken leg, they let were not able to take him. Again the neighbors said, “What good fortune, because of his broken leg, he does not have to go to war.” And again the farmer replied, “As I said before, Good, Bad, Who knows?”

I reminded myself of this parable when just four days after leaving my job I received the news that we did not make it to round three of the Next Top Spiritual Author Competition. [As an aside, thank you all for voting! It meant so much to both of us. We are so proud of how far we made it in the competition.] I was left again feeling the same emotions, excitement and fear. I was excited to have been a part of something so amazing, but I was fearful about what this meant for our book. When friends called to offer condolences, I found myself thinking of “good, bad, who knows.” I trust that it happened exactly how it was meant to, and feeling that at my core is true freedom.

What is it that you could transform in your life to feel more freedom? As Martha Beck likes to say, think of something in your life that feels “shackles-on”. What can you do to release those shackles? I realize that quitting a full-time job as I did may seem a little daunting. You don’t have to start that big. In fact, I don’t want you to start that big. Start with something small. For example, if doing laundry makes you feel “shackles-on” how can you transform it? You could teach your kids to do it, you could renegotiate tasks with your partner, you could take it to the dry-cleaners, or you could join a nudist colony and say screw the laundry all together. You have options.

Right now, commit to one thing you could transform to feel more free. Post it below in the comments. Nothing motivates more than knowing you have others who support you and who are doing it with you.

Here’s to your new found freedom (and mine)! And speaking of new found freedom it is a great time to do it. I am offering specials on all of my sessions this month for new and returning clients. Let’s work together to help you free yourself of the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual stuff that feels “shackles-on.” Hope to see you soon!

I have been thinking a lot about the Next Top Author competition lately and I wanted to share with you the conversation I just had with a close friend. This friend was someone that I thought voted for me the same day I asked. There was no question in my mind. He was a friend, he said he would, end of story. Last night, I asked him in person if he had voted and he told me that honestly he didn’t. He had gone on the site, watched the video, and then when he didn’t get the confirmation email right away, forgot about it. Forgot about it? I couldn’t believe it. Seeing my disbelief, he apologized but told me quite frankly, “I figured you were in this contest with like 20 people. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal.” Wrong. It’s a very big deal. But he brought up a good point. How would he know what a big deal it was?

It got me thinking, if you don’t have a book to publish then you probably don’t know the significance of this contest. I wanted to put this into perspective and help you understand why I am flooding your facebook feeds and inboxes with my pleas to vote.

Think of American Idol. Why is it so popular? It is popular because normal people don’t get that kind of break into the music industry. The competition gives people who are talented but have no access to the inside track a chance. Jennifer Hudson was always a great singer, but it wasn’t until she had the opportunity that American Idol provided her that she was able to live her dream.

Getting a book published through a major publishing house is the same as being signed to a major record label. Approximately 28 million books are rejected EVERY YEAR. That is why this competition is so important. This competition offers the chance to be published by Hampton Roads Publishing. Without the opportunity of this competition, our attempt to be published would be like the ‘pre-American Idol Jennifer Hudson’ knocking on the door at Sony Records saying, “I can sing, sign me.” Not so likely to work out.

This book is so important to us because it is not about living a dream of being a published author. It is about answering our calling and sharing it with the masses. We have been called to help others to use their romantic relationships as dynamic vehicles for enlightening consciousness. At this time on the planet, there is no more important task than awakening to our true nature. The method of Creationship that our book teaches is a fast, powerful, and exciting way to do just that. If you haven’t had a chance to read what the book contains, please visit the site http://www.nexttopauthor.com/?aid=532 and click on “Book Proposal.”

Thanks for letting me share with you what an amazing opportunity this is and how important this is to us. We have already made it into the top 250. Your vote in this round (which ends June 28) will decide if we will be one of the top 12 contestants. If you voted in Round 1, you must vote again in this round to be counted. We are asking that you please vote and commit to asking five other people to vote. Will you do that?  Will you help us live our dream? 

Thank you for supporting our message and us! Vote now by going to http://www.nexttopauthor.com/?aid=532

It may sound strange to say, “Happy Memorial Day” but for most Americans Memorial Day has largely come to signify the unofficial start of summer and that is something to be happy about! Families take trips to the beach, have picnics and barbeque poolside. I can’t say that I didn’t have my own vegan barbecue today. However, it is important to remember the true purpose of the day.

Memorial Day commemorates members of the armed forces who lost their lives serving our country. What more noble act than to dedicate your life to serving something you believe in? Before I dug a fork into a delicious bowl of potato salad, I paused and took a moment to reflect. It got me thinking about a question I often ask my clients, “What are you serving?”

We have the gift of being alive in a country where we truly are free to follow our own calling. What greater freedom is there than the freedom of choice? We get to decide who and what we want to serve. For those we remember today, they chose to serve our country. Yet everyday each of us are choosing what we serve through our thoughts, words, feelings, and actions. So now I ask you, what have you been serving? Do you serve your habits? Your vices? Do you serve your soul?

When we remember these soldiers we honor them for choosing to serve our country and believing in it so deeply that they were willing to give their lives. My challenge for you on this Memorial Day is to connect with that which your own individual soul feels called to serve. Whether you feel called to paint, travel, start a humanitarian aid effort, or eat chocolate, it doesn’t matter. We each are uniquely called to do that which nurtures us, sustains us, and fulfills us.

Often when I ask my clients what they feel called to do, they tell me they don’t have time to listen to their “calling” because they have to pay the bills, take care of the kids, go to work, etc. Listening to your calling does not mean you have to ignore all these obligations and drop everything to follow it right this very second. I’m not suggesting you wake up, quit your job and join the peace corp. tomorrow. I am suggesting that you need to be willing to listen to what your soul is saying. Ask yourself, “What purpose is my soul calling me to serve?

When we feel that we can’t follow our calling we try to turn off that voice that is urging us to listen. It’s as if we think that if we just stop listening it will stop calling. It won’t. Believe me, I have tried. I felt called to “assist in the awakening of humanity.” Yeah, that’s pretty broad and pretty huge. I tried to ignore it and just collect a check and get my 401k without regard to how my day to day job function was answering that call. Eventually though, not serving that call made me feel miserable. I knew I had to do something.

I started in little ways, while still collecting my paycheck during the day, at night I started blogging. Blogging became a way for me to assist others in awakening to their own true nature by guiding them through different processes that had worked for me and my clients. I was able to ask questions and get them thinking about things beyond the surface of their day to day lives. By sharing my experience and my story I was making a small contribution to that awakening. I was doing something, no, I am doing something, that answers my own calling.

And a very exciting thing happens when you start following the guidance of your heart. Endless possibilities start to emerge. Suddenly paths that you weren’t aware of seem to open up in front of you. Dead ends become doorways. For me, blogging turned into articles and now a book. Both of which are providing even more opportunities for me to serve my calling. Yet, my story is not unique. I have watched countless people transform their lives by taking one small action that aligns with their calling. The worlds that open up for them are indescribably beautiful and fulfilling. The same can happen for you and all you have to do is take one small action in the direction of your heart.

Start now. Truly celebrate Memorial Day and honor those who lost their lives by rededicating your life to living your life’s purpose. Listen to your heart, hear that calling and take one step towards it right now. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”- Lao Tzu

Spring is finally here! What do you associate with spring?The return of warm weather, fresh air, flowers, cleaning?Cleaning rarely comes to my mind.When spring finally arrives, especially after a long hard winter like we had this year in Maryland, staying inside to clean is the last thing I want to do.Yet whether we realize it or not, we all feel the subconscious energy of seasonal changes.Spring is about new growth.

The other day I was outside deciding what new growth I wanted in my garden.I had purchased the packets of seeds, had on my cute little garden gloves and I was ready to plant.I went out to the deck to investigate the soil and dead plants still left in last year’s pots. I reminisced as I looked at the pots that had produced such abundance last summer.

It’s important to mention that previous to last year, I had been cursed with a serious black thumb.Last year marked the first time in my life where I was not only able to keep a plant alive, but I had a thriving garden that we enjoyed all summer.It had been such a success that I have longed for spring to arrive just so I can use my new found confidence to try new things that I would have never attempted in the past. Last year I had starter plants.I figured this was much safer than seeds because then I didn’t have to help give birth to them, I just had to keep them alive.This year, with this small success under my belt I was ready to go bigger, bolder… seeds!

As I started to prepare the soil for planting I realized what a fantastic metaphor the activity was for consciously creating our lives.

Your mind is like the soil.Soil doesn’t care what you plant in it.You could plant weeds or you could plant roses.The soil does not care.The soil is only there to nurture what YOU put in.Your life and mind both work in the same way.Your mind doesn’t care if you feed it thoughts of negativity or if you tell yourself 10 times a day that you are worthy of love.The mind will simply start growing and feeding the thoughts you put in and then producing them in your life.

This is why it is so important to watch what the garden of your life is producing around you.If everything in your life is coming up roses, then you are planting roses.Good for you! But, most of us don’t start with planting roses.Since many of our thoughts about ourselves are subconscious we may not even realize how often we are negatively self-talking ourselves. If your life is producing negativity, it is not the fault of external circumstances.Just as it is not the fault of the soil if weeds grow.Your life will reap what you sow.The problem is that many of us are unconsciously sowing poisonous thoughts and habits unconsciously.So how do we become aware of what we are sowing so we can sow something new?

How to learn from your life’s harvest:

1) Recognize that the situations, habits, thoughts and activities that make up your life have one central component.YOU.Your life is your garden.

2) Examine your crops.What situations, habits, thoughts or activities are present in your life that you would like to ‘weed out’?I don’t like to think of this in terms of things that are “good/bad” for you.I examine by asking: is this life affirming or life taking?Does this thing give me energy or zap my energy?When you bring awareness to the things that are growing and how they affect you, it’s time to begin the weeding process.

3) Weed out the crap.Don’t get too hung up on the whole “but I would have never created this xyz horrible situation in my life.”Pull yourself out of the victim mentality and stay focused.If I told you to go remove the weeds from your garden would you stand there and argue with me that you didn’t put them there?Is it relevant?No.You don’t want the weeds there, so remove them.End of story.

4) Till the soil.It isn’t enough just to chop down the weeds, you have to make sure you get the roots. So let’s say you find that a weed in your life is that you are frustrated because you don’t follow through on projects you start.It’s not enough to see that weed and say okay I will finish the next thing.That is not getting to the root.When you till the soil you have to dig deeper and ask, “What is stopping me from finishing?”When I did this recently with a client she realized that she had a deeper belief that her work was never good enough and therefore better left undone than judged as not good.Her tilling the soil looked like bringing awareness to that “not good enough” belief so that it would stop sprouting up as so many different weeds in her life.

5) Plant new seeds.Now you are ready to decide how you want to consciously transform your life.My client knew that her new seed would have to be the opposite of her old seed.Daily she began to remind herself that she was “whole and complete now” and began planting that in her soil through her thoughts and actions.”I am whole and complete now” is a great seed for anyone struggling with issues of worth.

6) Nurture your plants.Once you start to see new growth in your garden it gives you a sense of confidence and excitement.For my client, she finished a small project she had been working on and she felt a tremendous sense of growth.It’s like me with my garden.Just keeping those plants alive and well last year inspired me to do more, to keep going.Start with small changes.The sense of pride you feel from small transformations gives you the strength you need to bigger challenges…. like seeds!

7) Reap what you have sown.Sit back and examine the changes you have instituted.Give yourself some credit.Realize that you consciously and intentionally made changes that produced different results.Take stock.Last year I planted zucchini because I thought I wanted in my garden and it turns out I didn’t really enjoy it.That’s okay.If you plant something in your life and it turns out to not affirm your life in the way you imagined you can always start back over at step 3.This year, I will not be planting zucchini!I like it, but I don’t want to grow it.

I challenge you to examine your own crops and start planting your seeds for harvest!Remember that you can always plant something new.Enjoy the push of spring!

I am beyond excited that March is finally here!  No, it’s not just because St. Patty’s day is coming, or because daylight savings time is only a week away, or because I was actually able to run outside this morning without getting frostbite.  It’s because this month brings the manifestation of two big things I have been working on for quite some time.    

On March 20, Tim and I will be teaching our “Creationship” workshop for the first time.  We have been teaching some of the material in the workshop to couples and living it ourselves for over 9 years.  While Tim and I don’t have children, creationship has been our baby.  We have loved it, nurtured it and grown it.  We have watched it become a magical entity that transforms relationships.  We have seen it take relationships on the brink of extinction and reinvigorate them with hope and healing.     The opportunity to be able to share it in this way with both couples and singles is truly a dream come true for us.  I should also mention, space is still available!  E-mail me to sign up.  Anyway, that is reason number one that March is awesome.

Reason number two, another dream is coming true.  For those of you who have been reading my blog since day one, you know that I originally set out to do the blog to document the ups and downs of the book I was writing.  That was in July of 2008.  I really believed that it would be easy.  I would set my mind to the project and it would be complete.   Not only would it be complete, it would be complete in two months.  Wrong, very wrong.   It was far from easy and in fact, I would go as far as to say that on many levels it was actually painful.   Each day I would write for an hour or more and my hands would throb.  I would go back and read what I wrote and judge it so harshly that in one fell swoop of my pointer finger on the delete key, the whole thing was gone.

 I had such a strong intention to finish the book that I thought for sure it would simply carry me through.  However, I forgot the cardinal rule of creating your dreams: Intention surfaces obstacles.  Wow.  Who knew there would be so many obstacles? 

Famous writer, Dorthea Brande once said, “the root problems [of a writer] are problems of confidence, self-respect, freedom: the writer’s demon is imprisoned by the various ghosts in the unconscious.”  Let’s put it this way, you’d think it was Halloween by the number of ghosts that surfaced from my unconscious.   I had no idea how many writing skeletons were in my closet!  

It was a deeply spiritual process for me.  One that required great patience and persistence and also forgiveness.  I fell down again and again, but I kept getting back up…most of the time.  Some days, no, some months were harder than others.  There came a time when I tried to give up on the goal completely.  Tried.  No matter how many chips I ate to try and stuff that dream down it kept coming back stronger and with a vengeance. 

I began to remember why I set this goal of writing a book.  It was not to “get a book written”.  It was because I had a message to share.  A message that has been inside of me since as long as I can remember.  It was not about writing a book, it was about living my life’s purpose.   That purpose is to share my unique message with the world.  When I ask myself:  ”Where I am going with my life?  What is my true purpose?”  “To share this message and help others heal,” is the only answer that ever comes.  Even though I heard the answer repeatedly it took awhile for me to really listen. 

Last fall I began working on the book again.  It wasn’t any easier, but with my purpose clarified I stopped putting the brakes on myself so much.  I at least stopped allowing myself to use the delete key.  I was able to be comfortable with the flow of the writing.  Some days it was there, others it wasn’t.  Yet, I was making progress.  I had a few articles published and spirit seemed to be giving me little encouragements to keep going.  My message was becoming more concise.  Concise enough that we are teaching a workshop on it!  See reason number one that March is awesome. 

Then it happened, reason number two.   A month ago I received an invitation from a dear friend to join a writing competition: “The Next Top Spiritual Author”.  Um, hello?  Perfect?  Yes.  An opportunity to win a publishing contract and get my spiritual message out to the masses?  Sign me up!  And sign-up I did.

The contest begins March 29th and the first round of voting goes through April 25th.  Since the first round is done by popular vote I will certainly be pleading for your vote and the votes of your friends!  Once I have the link, I will e-mail it out. 

I am setting the intention to go as far as possible in the competition, but I have learned a lot about goal setting in this past year.  Another rule in setting goals:  Don’t attach to the outcome.  Instead put all of your energy into creating what you desire and moving towards your vision without attachment.  Do I want to be successful?  Sure.  Does losing mean I am not successful?  No.  Never give up on your dreams before they have a chance to manifest.  Don’t call the game before it’s over, and if you aren’t dead, it isn’t over. 

Sharing this message with the world has been motivating me to push past my limits for two years now.  It is what excites me and it’s why I get out of bed in the morning.  Well, that and coffee.  What about you?  What is your great motivating desire?  If you don’t know, figure it out.  There is not a more worthy question for you to answer.   I invite you to decide upon your dream today.  Decide what your strongest desire is.  Then begin to make it a reality. 

Arnold Bennett wrote, “The kind of desire that triggers drive and energy within us isn’t some kind of vague hankering, some undefined wish.  The productive kind of desire is real, it’s concrete, it’s a mental picture that will never leave us alone.  It’s always there in the front of our minds, prodding and poking, goading us on.  It’s an obsession, a whip.  It has no mercy and we’ll never be satisfied until we’ve achieved that which we truly desire.”

Once you define that desire your mind will literally start creating ways for it to happen.  You know, like having spiritual author competitions pop up out of nowhere.  Don’t worry about the ‘how’ of fulfilling your destiny.  Just keep focused on your vision, accept the obstacles that arise and persist with all of your heart.  And if you need support along the way, you know where to find me!

Thank you for following me on this journey, no matter where it leads!  I am blessed to share my dreams with you.

Namaste.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner!  I know what you are thinking, fictional holiday created by Hallmark, right?  Well sure, that may be true, but I can’t deny the fact that I get excited about having a day dedicated to love.  This year I am extra giddy because I am performing a wedding ceremony for two of  my very dear friends. 

Recently, they met with Tim and I for their marriage coaching session.   While they had all of the typical pre-marriage questions that most couples have,  they had another that really stuck out.  “How can we be the best partners for each other in marriage?”  If you are curious about the answer to this question, you will definitely want to check out the Creationship^TM workshop that we are offering next month (more details on the events page).  But to give you a taste now.. to become the best partner you have to know what the best partner really is. 

You must first decide what it is that you really want, and then ‘put it out there’ to the universe.  I just finished reading a fabulous book, The Wishing Year, by Noelle Oxenhandler.  It’s  a memoir about a woman who decides to find out what the power of wishing and creating your own reality is all about.  As she researches the long history of wishing she discovers that first step is  to ‘put it out there.’ So the wishes she puts out there are:  1) to own her own house, 2) to fall in love with a man, and 3) to spiritually heal.  Over the course of one year, she documents her life as her wishing year unfolds. 

From my own experience, I can also attest to the fact that in order to make your dreams come true, you have to start with the dream itself, especially when it comes to love.  I tried to get a single client of mine to participate in the ‘putting it out there’  wishing exercise just last week.  It went something like this:

Me:  In order for you to attract the type of love you want you have to decide what this perfect woman and relationship would be like for you.  So, let’s have it.  What kind of woman are you looking to love?

Him:  I don’t know… a nice girl.

Me:  That’s pretty vague.  Certainly there must be traits you would prefer that she have.

Him:  Well, sure there are things I would like but I don’t want to limit myself.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this I would be a rich woman.  Often people worry that if they are too specific in wishing for what they want, they might be in danger of closing out other possibilities.  This fear often stops them from wishing at all or limits them to having some vague ‘nice girl’ fantasy.  I explained to him that if he could not define for me what a nice girl was then when she came around he wouldn’t know it either.  If you want love, or anything else for that matter, you have to specifically ‘put it out there’.

Whether you are single, engaged, married, whatever… use this Valentine’s Day as your own excuse to dedicate some time to creating more love in your life. 

How to PUT it OUT there!

If you are single:

Sit down and close your eyes.  Imagine how you would feel if you were in the perfect relationship.  I mean really imagine it.  How does it feel in your body?  Do you feel butterflies in your stomach?  A sense of relief in your chest?  A heaviness in your feet?  Feel that  you have the love you are seeking right now.  Open your eyes and while still focusing on the wonderful feeling of love, get  a pen and paper.  Write down specific qualities of your ideal mate.  Nothing is too big or too small.  You want a man with blue eyes who likes contemporary home furnishings?  Fantastic.  Write it down.  You want a woman who plays volleyball and is not vapid?  Sounds good to me.  Write it down.  Close your eyes again and go back to the feeling of having that perfect mate.   Sit for a few moments.  Then fold up your paper and put it under your bed and wish for the love that you feel in this moment to find you.  Congratulations!  Now that you have put it out there, it can begin to find its way back to you! 

And… since I am a big fan of the saying,  “Trust in God, but tie your camel,”  here is a link to a Match.com 7-day Free Trial. Trust me you would not believe how many of the couples I marry meet this way. Nothing to lose here. Remember, putting it out there!

If you are in a relationship:

Sit down with your partner.  Honor each other by sharing gratitude for all of the things in your relationship that you love.  Maybe you love that your spouse cooks the meals.  Maybe you love the sound of their laugh.  Whatever it is that you love in each other and the relationship, take this time to share it verbally and thoughtfully.   Pay attention to your own inner body.  Where do you feel this sense of connectedness in your body?  Do you feel a tingling in your hands, a fullness in your heart?  Share your physical sensations too.  While holding the feeling of gratitude for the gift of love you currently have in your life, let each other explore ways in which this love might expand.  Give each other this safe and loving space to ask for even more things you might want.  Ask each other this question: “If I could be a better partner for you , how would I do that?  What would make your love for me grow even more?” 

Many times when we love someone we don’t want to rock the boat by making requests.  I  have a client who loves her husband dearly but there are ways in which she is unfulfilled in the marriage.  She hasn’t shared this with him because: 1) she doesn’t want to seem unappreciative of all of the wonderful things they do have and 2) because deep down she doesn’t think he can really do the things she wants.  Many of us have these fears, yet we too have to ‘put it out there.’ 

Doing this exercise can be tremendously healing for your relationship and can help your love to evolve.  By first sharing your gratitude it creates a safe space to make requests for change.  Don’t limit your partner and the potential of your relationship with the ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ mentality.  Be open and willing and allow your partner to surprise you.  Surprise yourself by being willing to put your requests out there.  

If you really take the exercise to heart, and open your mind you will be amazed how much this simple act of ‘putting it out there’ can transform your relationship.

Much love to you!

-Rev. Laura

Oh!  One more thing…. in honor of Valentine’s Day, Tim and I will be offering the Creationship workshop at a huge discount!  Whether you are single or in a relationship, this one’s for you.  Check out the details on the events page.  We would LOVE to have you!

Here we are, exactly half-way through the first month of the year. Only 16 days in and it feels belated to say, “Happy New Year!” But indeed it is a new year and with every new year comes new resolutions.  Maybe your resolution is to stress less, play more, cut back on the sugar, the swearing, the procrastination.  All of the above?

Usually around this time many people are beginning to lose the steam that got them out of the gate on January 1.  I know because I could barely get a parking space at the gym the first few days of the year and now, what do you know?  More spaces already.  Where are you with the resolutions that you made for 2010?  Are you still on track?

As a life and relationship coach, I often assist people in getting back on track.  When we set resolutions we set them with the best of intentions.  Yet, the best intentions still don’t always lead to the best results.  Two days ago a client called me feeling utterly defeated.  Let’s call her Shelly.  Shelly said to me, “Laura, I swore this was going to be the year I lost this weight.  I was going to go to the gym three times a week and I was going to start taking care of myself.  We aren’t even two weeks into January and I have already blown it.  I am embarrassed to tell you this, but I just had chocolate cake and cookies for breakfast and I haven’t been to the gym since the 1st.  I am just worthless I tell you!”

This is not the first time I have heard this tale from a client.  Shelly has been trying to lose this weight and change her lifestyle for years.  Shelly, like so many others, seems to fall under the delusion that somehow January 1st has some type of magical power that makes all of the things you’ve ever wanted easier to achieve.  Let me let you in a little secret: January 1st -same as any other day, and every day holds the possibility of transformation.

I was quick to remind Shelly that she had not ‘blown it.’  She had some cake and cookies.  Maybe it’s not the most healthful breakfast choice; but it’s also not the end of the world and it’s certainly no reason to give up on the dream.  What it does show is that Shelly needs to get clear about what her dream really is.  If you set resolutions this year, and especially if you have already “fallen off the wagon” it is time to put your goals into perspective.

Getting what you REALLY want

When we set goals or resolutions in our lives we have a tendency to become overly focused on the outcome.  If you focus more on what you REALLY want, not just what you think it looks like (in Shelly’s case it looks like 150 lbs.) you have a better chance of having your cake and eating it too!

So how do you find what you really want?  First, get curious.  Take a look at all of the things you have resolved to do this year.  For each one ask yourself this, “When I have xyz, how will I feel?”  I asked Shelly, “When you weigh 150 lbs and are going to the gym three times a week, how will you feel?”

“Great!” she exclaimed.  ”Why, ‘great’?” I asked.  “Because I will feel strong and confident in my own skin, I will feel like I can take on the world.  I will feel like my life is worth something.”  When you look at your response you are looking for the feelings that you desire.  The feeling that Shelly is really seeking from these goals is the feeling of worth.  The feelings of strength and confidence are really outgrowths of what Shelly truly desires:  to feel worthy. 

Another client, Kevin, felt the same way about money.  He wanted desperately to make six-figures last year.  When I asked him how he would feel when he had the income he desired, he revealed that he would finally feel safe and secure.  What Kevin really wants to feel in his life is safe and secure and it is Kevin who has decided that safety and security look like a six-figure income.  It’s fine to have this goal, just as it is fine for Shelly to have the goal of weighing 150 lbs, but not if the focus on the goal outshines the focus on the feeling. 

To get what you think you want (the money, the perfect number on the scale, etc.) focus on what you know you really want- the feeling underneath.  Realize that you wouldn’t want the outcome if you didn’t imagine that it would give you the underlying feeling that you desire.  If Kevin thought the money would make him feel exposed and vulnerable he wouldn’t want it.   What we are all really seeking in each of our resolutions is to bring to the surface something we need to heal.

Now that you have found out what feeling underlies your goal, you can start healing today by asking yourself the following questions:

What is preventing me from feeling this feeling right now?

If you find yourself blaming someone or something else for you not being able to feel this now, stop.  Step into your power.  You can’t begin to heal if you are putting your feelings in someone else’s hands.  You create your own reality and you can start healing right now.  How are YOU preventing yourself from having this feeling?  Once you are able to see how you are blocking yourself, it will become easier to start making behavior changes that will align you with your real goal.

What can I do to create that feeling in my life today?

Forget the past.  Harness your power and start with baby steps.  If you imagine that weighing 150 lbs a year from now will make you feel worthy, ask “what would make me feel worthy today?”.  Do something, no matter how small, that aligns you with that feeling NOW.  When you align with that feeling today it creates an energy field in your life that will attract that same feeling in the future.  You know, that future a year from now where that 150 lbs is. 

Start your true process of transformation today.  Remove your attachment to the outcome and focus on the feeling you want.  By letting go of the attachment and giving yourself what you REALLY want right now, you don’t have to wait for your future to bring it to you.  Magically though, by giving it to yourself right now, it expands and grows, giving you more of that feeling in the future.  So, if you have associated that feeling of worthiness with weighing 150 lbs, you may just get your wish.  That is what I call having your cake and eating it too!

At 12:47pm, Monday, December 21, 2009, we will once again reach the winter solstice.  This is a very special winter solstice for us in Maryland this year.  Yesterday over 20 inches of snow fell in what will now be known as the ‘Blizzard of 2009.’  This is the biggest snowfall the state of Maryland has ever had in December and certainly the biggest snow we have ever had for our annual winter solstice celebration.

While most people have holiday parties, I have a winter solstice celebration.  My friend Karen and I have held a small ceremonial gathering on this day for the past 6 years.  We celebrate in many ways, one of my favorite being with a gifting blanket, which I shared with you in last year’s blog and was recently re-published in a holiday publication called, Cheer! 

This year will be even more special, and cold, because we will circle our fire pit standing in almost two feet of snow.  We will walk to the pit in the ceremonial garden in silence with only the light of the moon and our candles to guide us.  While this is longest night of darkness, from every night forward, more light will come as we move steadily towards the spring equinox.      

Each person has a sprig of evergreen rope.  As they make the ceremonial walk to the fire we ask them to think about something in their life that they would like to bring more light to.  Maybe they have been hiding from their true nature and want to bring their spirit more fully into the light.  Maybe this past year held a great deal of challenge and pain and they are ready to release it and start living life in a new light.   Whatever it is they wish to surrender, they imbue into that evergreen rope. 

As we reach the raging fire and stand to circle its flames, Karen and I begin the ceremony with a smudging and blessing.  Each person may share their thoughts or bask in the stillness of the night.  Then we begin the release and the celebration of the light.  We collectively take our rope to the fire and toss it onto the open flames.  As it burns, the scent of pine and wood fill the cold air.

I am always amazed as I stare at my burning sprig of evergreen.  As I contemplate the light overtaking the burden that I have imbued within it, the embers, as if with wings, carry it to the heavens.  They seem alive, as if they are dancing -thrilled to have been set free into the light.  I watch in awe and with a great sense of peace as I realize that all of us are together sharing in this same desire to move out of darkness.

And while we desire to move into the light, we also honor the darkness for its own unique purose. The solstice is also the time for the planting of your next seed.  It is a time to think about what it is that you would like to plant in the dark of the ground for safe keeping until the arrival of the spring equinox.  What would you like to birth into your life in the coming year?

We make a small pouch out of cheesecloth and herbs.  We have bowls filled with sage, lavender and tobacco.  You create your own unique blend of herbs and tie them together.  It is as if you are making your own unique seed to plant for the coming year. You imbue your ’seed’ with that which you want to keep in the ground, safe and protected until it is ready to be birthed  at the light of spring.  Each person keeps their “cheesecloth seed” and takes it with them as a reminder of that with which they have spiritually and intentionally planted.  Truth be told, Karen and I had actually even planned on having everyone place actual seeds in the ground this year.  But due to a lack of seed paper at the craft store and 20 inches of snow, we have decided that the old way works best.

Now with less than 24 hours to go, I feel the movement happening.  I sense the darkness overtaking the light and I am reminded that everything has its season.  I encourage you to use the powerful energy of this solstice to bring light into your own life.  This is a time for reflection and celebration. Contemplate the things that you are ready to release to the light and the things that you would like to plant for the this coming year.  Think of it as a way to prepare your New Year’s resolutions just a little ahead of schedule! 

I celebrate the light within each of you.  Happy Holidays and many blessings for a happy and healthy New Year!

If you read my blog last year you already know that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday!  True, I am pretty much a sucker for the whole holiday season in general, but there is something really refreshing about a holiday that emphasizes the spending of time over money.

In last year’s Thanksgiving blog post, I shared a special activity that you can share with those you love during your holiday celebration.  It’s a tradition I started several years ago in my family and it is always anticipated.  In case you missed it, check it out here. 

If you have ever had a class with Tim and I, then you know our favorite thing is to teach people how to bring more consciousness and intentionality to their lives and relationships.  Well, what do you know, Thanksgiving just happens to be the perfect time to bring our very favorite thing to something else I am sure you will be doing this holiday season…. cooking and eating! 

Before I started this “aware” eating and cooking practice for myself I noticed the strangest phenomenon.  Every January, without fail,  my dryer would break.  The washer, no problem.  The dryer, cursed.  “The dryer temperature must be affected by the cold weather setting in,” I thought.  “Why else would it be getting hotter and thereby shrinking all of my pants?”  As you can guess, after a few months, which also happened to coincide with many hours at the gym, the dryer magically fixed itself.  “Must be the warm weather coming!”  Not quite.

All of that holiday eating, drinking, baking…oh my.  The problem isn’t all of the tasty treats, parties, or even the dryer that must be shrinking your pants.  The problem is that we do most of our holiday cooking and noshing pretty unconsciously. 

Sure, we all want to have dryers that function properly year round, but there is a more essential reason for being mindful about what we are cooking and eating.  When we are mindful, we are grateful.  We physically embody gratitude.  You don’t have to mentally be thinking, “I am grateful for this, or I am grateful for that.”  Simply pausing and being present in the moment with your Aunt Helen or that pumpkin pie, is an act of gratitude.  We honor, we respect and we intentionally bring our conscious awareness to the abundance that is flowering in that moment. 

This holiday season, I challenge you to bring mindfulness to your meals.  Whether you are cooking them or eating them, I have some tips for you: 

Cooking with Consciousness

The kitchen is a great place for magic.  Everyone loves a good home-cooked meal and during the holidays they are plentiful.  When you spend time making and preparing food, a piece of you is literally infused into it.  In the same way that germs can contaminate food if you touch it with dirty hands, your energy also travels into whatever you are preparing.  Have you ever eaten a meal that someone cooked for you when they were in a foul mood?  Did you notice it just wasn’t quite as good?  There is a reason for that.  When you cook unconsciously, whatever is going on for you emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally is absorbed into the food. 

When you go into the kitchen to cook for your family and friends this holiday season think consciously about what it is you want to “feed” them on all levels. I put a different kind of intentional conscious magic into every dish I create for the holidays.  Mine usually looks something like this:

“I am infusing these sweet potatoes with the emotion of love. As my guests eat it let them feel love, let them know love, let them be love.” 

“As they taste the bitterness of this sauerkraut, let them know that when life tastes bitter they are spiritually supported by the universe.”

“These collard greens go to the strength and healing of the immune system.”

“These mashed potatoes are filled with thoughts of prosperity and joy.”

As you are preparing your intention infused culinary creation, stay present and mindful.  Tune into your breath and let all of the kitchen utensils become an extension of your intentions.  As you chop, whip, roll and slice, feel the feelings that you intend to infuse into your delicacy. 

One warning: There is one downside to cooking with consciousness; there are rarely any leftovers!

Eating with Intention

As you sit down to eat your consciously prepared meal, or one that was likely made with the same level of consciousness as the 15-year old scooping your fries, try this:

1. Take a deep breath.  Really feel your breath as it travels all the way into your belly.  Tune into your sensations of hunger and your sense of fullness and feel where you are in that moment.  Are you hungry, starving, full?

2.  Examine the food on your plate and become present with it.  Take another breath, appreciate how it looks and smells. 

3.  Set your own intention.  Before taking a bite decide how you would like this meal to feed you.  Even if you didn’t cook the food yourself, you can put your own intentions into the food.  You will influence its energy and affect it too.

4.  Take a bite, chew it slowly and mindfully.  Really taste the food.  What is the texture, what is the temperature, the flavor, the spice?  How does it feel in your mouth?  How does it make you feel?  Salad certainly feels different than a turkey leg.  How?  Find out, inquire within.  Taste your food on all levels.

5. Digest.  Digestion is a very involved process in the body, one in which we should all be thankful for.  I don’t know anyone who has worked a day in their life as hard as our digestive systems work for us every day!  Be present for this process too.  Stop every several bites and check in.  Am I still aware of what’s going on here with my body or has my fork turned into shovel that I am now filling a trough with? Just check.

6. Enjoy.  This is an automatic step.  When you begin to practice mindfulness in eating and cooking you will begin to enjoy the experience of food even more. 

When we enjoy life, we are living and breathing gratitude.  And when we are living and breathing gratitude we shine light on the whole world. 

May all of your meals be filled with gratitude!

Happy Thanksgiving!

This month’s blog post comes in response to two separate requests for me to address this topic.  I think it is something all of us can relate to, but few of us know what to do about it.  Here’s the scenario:  You have been up since 5 a.m., worked for more than 8 hours, not to mention taken care of the 50 other things you also had to do today.  All you have been dreaming about since you woke-up was when you would get to crawl back in that bed again.  Now you have finally made it.  It is 11:30 p.m. and you are so tired you are sure you will be asleep the minute your head hits the pillow.  First you toss, and then you turn.  Then you readjust the pillow.  5 minutes goes by.  25 more minutes go by.  You are so tired you could cry, but you can’t sleep.  Why?  Because you can’t stop thinking!

We have all experienced the dreaded “thought stream” that feels more like an out of control raging river during times like these.  Ellen DeGeneres even has a hilarious skit about this in her “The Beginning” stand-up sketch.  Whether you are reminding yourself about the money you left in your pants or rehearsing what you will say to that co-worker who thinks it’s okay to drink the community juice out of the carton, two things are for sure:  you are not sleeping and you are not comfortable with it.

Ironically, it is not the thinking that is the real nemesis; it is the resistance to it.  The resistance is what keeps us stuck in the stream.  This is not just true for those annoying thought streams at night, but true for life in general.  What we resist persists. 

Whenever you experience discomfort in life, there is resistance.  The tricky thing about resistance is that it is often unconscious.  It can come in the form of aches and pains, illness, anger, boredom, anxiety and even tossing and turning at night.  The trick to a more peaceful sleep and even a more peaceful life does not come from trying to address all of those various thoughts begging for your attention at midnight. The true peace comes from addressing the underlying cause: resistance. 

The 1,001 thoughts that you are having as you lay there are not the real problem.  It is the voice that says, “All I want to do is go to sleep and I can’t stop thinking.  This is so frustrating!” that’s the real nemesis.  That, my friend, is the voice of resistance to “what is.”  Resistance is totally understandable.  We learn from a very young age to move away from pain and discomfort.  It becomes an automatic response.  Yet, just because something is automatic, does not mean it is the most effective.

Those new to meditating often experience similar effects to the tossers and turners.  I have had many of my students tell me they can’t meditate.  When I ask them how they know, they say, “Because I can’t stop thinking.”  In actuality, meditation is not the absence of thought, but rather the non-resistant witnessing of thought.  When you catch yourself thinking about the money in the pants or the crazy juice guy, stop.  Instead of beating yourself up and getting frustrated about it (resistance in disguise) just notice it.  Try not to actually follow the thought stream down its path.  When you find yourself caught up in thinking, just witness it.  I tell my students to simply say, “Thinking” as a way to note to themselves that it is not something to get frustrated about; rather it simply is what it is.  The big secret is that when you witness what is going on without judgment, the resistance in all of its unpleasant forms starts to melt away.

Here is what this might look like when applied to our previous scenario: You are lying in bed; it’s been 30 minutes since you tried to sleep.  Thoughts of the money in the pants and the juice guy assail you.  All of a sudden as if waking up from a dream you realize you have been thinking about these things for 30 minutes.  STOP.  DO NOT then think “great, there I go again thinking, I will never get to sleep.”  No beating yourself up.  Instead, just witness what has happened without judgment.  A simple labeling “thinking” will suffice.   Focus on your breath as you breathe in and out for several moments and concentrate on relaxing.  When you start thinking again, and likely you will, treat it with this same compassion and again stop the stream and label it “thinking.”  The more that you get in this habit of witnessing, labeling and allowing the sooner it will cease to be a problem. 

Resistance may not seem like that big of a deal if all you are missing is a few hours of shut eye, but this pattern of resistance affects us in far deeper ways.  As Steven Pressfield says, “Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.”  When you find yourself in these patterns of resistance at night or during meditation it’s really just a signal that something in your life needs your attention -your compassionate witness. 

How do you know if you are resisting in other areas of your life?  Easy.  Wherever there is discomfort, there is resistance. Period.  The solution to healing discomfort in your life is by healing the root cause: resistance. So how do we start to heal?

Healing Resistance 101:

1. You must first become aware that it is there. Discomfort= resistance. If you are uncomfortable, you are resisting. You don’t need to know what it is, why it’s there or what is causing it.

2. Once you notice resistance, go into curious mode. Become super curious of what is going on for you. Become the watcher, the witness. Notice your thoughts (”thinking”), notice your feelings. Simply notice, with compassion and non-judgment.

3. When you treat your discomfort in this way most of it will probably disappear immediately, but not if you’re focused on having it disappear, which is more resistance.

4. Watching your thoughts and feelings in this way requires practice. Our automatic reaction to discomfort is to run from it or think, “Make it go away, NOW!” Know this and just allow your thoughts and feelings to be without running from them.

5. Remember that resisting what is does not stop it from being what is. Only witnessing, allowing and accepting have the power to transform your life.

6. Focus on your breath and when you find discomfort, move into it, not away from it. BREATHE.

The next time you find yourself tossing and turning or feeling really uncomfortable, I challenge you to let it be okay.  Watch it, witness it, and breathe.

Sweet dreams!